My friend Brian sent me an email today to let me know about the case of Clay Greene, from Sonoma County in California.
Clay, 77 years old, and his partner of 20 years, Harold, who was 88, lived in Sonoma County when Harold fell and broke his hip. According to reports, Clay and Harold had all the proper power of attorney, wills and medical directives filed. After Harold was admitted to the hospital, county officials were called in, preventing Clay from seeing Harold, and, rather surprisingly, admitted the two men, against their wills, to separate nursing homes.
In court, the county represented Clay as Harold's "roommate" and took control of all of Harold's resources. They cancelled the lease on the house that Clay and Harold had rented and sold off all the possessions in the home, without trying to determine which possessions were Harold's and which were Clay's. The court also gave the county access to Harold's bank account to pay for his care.
Harold died three months after he was placed in a nursing home. Clay never saw Harold alive again after he took him to the hospital for his broken hip. The final three months of Harold's life were spent alone, without the company of his 20 year companion. And the only thing Clay has left of his last 20 years is a photo album he made for Harold. He has not been able to recover any of the property that was his, let alone any of their shared possessions.
Clay is suing Sonoma County. Here's the link to the lawsuit filed in court by Clay and the Executor of Harold's Will; the National Center for Lesbian Rights is helping with the legal representation.
So, tell me how "separate but equal" works here? While doing research for this blog post, I came across another story of an elderly heterosexual couple who were treated somewhat similarly, though they were placed in a nursing home TOGETHER. Their situation is horrible as well, but at least they have their long-time companions with them.
When my partner was sent to the hospital by ambulance because of an asthma attack, I was refused when I asked to ride along in the ambulance with him. I was told I wasn't family. We live together, we share each other's lives, we laugh together, we cry together and we have sex. We raise a puppy together, pay bills together and spend a significant amount of time together. How are we not "family?" Why is the fact that we are two men instead of a man and woman so significant? How much would it harm anyone to give us the same civil rights that our parents have?
As part of my job, I handle personnel issues, specifically the annual insurance sign up period. I called our home office to ask about covering my partner on my insurance and was told that, since South Carolina doesn't recognize same-sex partnerships, they couldn't cover him. (I already knew what their answer would be, but I wanted someone to tell me voice-to-voice; I can be a prick like that sometimes). So when another employee came to me for help with his insurance, he put his common-law wife on his policy. The requirements for covering his partner? That they lived together for six months. No wedding license, no ceremony, no recognition necessary. So much for the sanctity of marriage.
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